The maid of honor just puked.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize