i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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