Jerry, you need to find god
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
