I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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