I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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