I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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