Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
