Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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