How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
