Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
