How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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