I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
