I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize