I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
