the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
