Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
