She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
