And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
