i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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