he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
