Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
