she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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