I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
