I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize