I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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