So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
