Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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