HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
