So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
