Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
