His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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