yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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