can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
