I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
