Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
