bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My vagina just recognized that song.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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