Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
