WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
