she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
