I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
