You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
