Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
