Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize