the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
