Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
