Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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