btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
