Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
