NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
