I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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