WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
