Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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