everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
