Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize