It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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