Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
