I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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