sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
