so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
