This girl is more easily done than said...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
