Christians are straight up FREAKS
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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