We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
