we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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