Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
