On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
