My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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