Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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