yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
