Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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