I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
