i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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