I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
