He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
