I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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